I was doing some internet research yesterday on people who have never married and I came across the following thought-provoking article on the www.solosingles.com site:
Keith Moore, an ambitious professional, devoted his 20s to his career. He drifted into the dating scene in his early 30s, ready to "settle down with a nice girl and start a family."
After four years of dating around, he decided the "nice girls had all moved to another town."
Janet Douglas found herself divorced at the age of 30. She described her husband of six years "as a good father to our daughter, but a man who never should have married."
This single mom grieved, adjusted, then enthusiastically entered the dating scene again. She fully expected to "meet a good guy, marry, and have more children before the age of 40."
After five years of dating and only two short-term relationships, her enthusiasm was wearing thin. As friends and family pushed her to marry, she would lament, "I'm trying; I'm trying. All the men I date, though, really aren't the marrying kind."
There are people in the singles world who, for whatever reason, are unable to sustain a marriage. Unfortunately, they do meet and marry--on the way to the divorce courts.
This story has a happy ending for Keith and Jan. They joined a matchmaking service, met there, married, and produced two beautiful children in a good union.
Not all singles fare so well. Why?
Terry Jensen, matchmaker for Connections Matchmakers Plus in Dallas, Texas, explains,
"When singles are dating in their early 20s, it is easy for them to meet, form couples, and marry. However, some men and women, like Jan's first husband, are unable to sustain a marriage.
"I call them the unweddables because, for whatever reason, they are not suitable for marriage. With each round of divorces, these unweddable men and women make up a larger proportion of the singles' population."
How does this happen?
To simplify the explanation, start with 100 men and 100 women, college kids, never married. Unfortunately, 20% of these men and women are unable to sustain a marriage.
In a perfect world, they would marry each other. They don't; these unweddables meet and marry people who normally could stay coupled but can not remain married to these particular spouses.
Time goes on, these college kids are in their 30s. The unweddables do their thing, they leave the marriage. There are 40 divorces.
Now 80 of the 200 college kids are back in the singles scene. Since 40 of these singles are unweddable, 50% of the men and women in this singles' population are unable to sustain a marriage.
Ms. Jensen continues, "There is another problem here. Most of the unweddables think they want another wife or husband. They are out in the singles' scene actively looking and dating. Since they don't wear a defining sign for all singles to see, these men and women do marry again on another journey to the divorce court."
There are 40 new couples. Ten couples are both unweddables and will divorce quickly.
Twenty of the couples have one unweddable partner; they will eventually divorce.
Ten couples are comprised of men and women who are both the "marrying kind." They do what it takes to make the relationship work, thus never divorce.
Time continues to roll, the college kids are now in their 40s, and thirty couples are divorced again.
Of these 60 singles, 40 are unweddable. A whopping 66% of the original singles' population is unable to sustain a marriage.
The good ones are almost gone.
If you are single and hoping to marry, you probably feel slightly depressed by this illustration. What can you do to protect yourself?
We'll discuss this next month.
Ann's note: You will need to keep an eye on www.solosingles.com to find read next month's discussion.