Happy Valentine's Day

About 3 weeks ago, I was interviewed by a journalist who was writing an article about Valentine's Day from a singleton's point of view and who wanted me to give some advice to readers who wouldn't be sharing February 14th with someone special.

As someone who coaches single women for a living (and who was single for 7 years before I met my partner) I know only too well how people can feel excluded when they're not part of a couple - we live in a very couple-orientated society and people can feel 'abnormal' because they're alone. And let's face it, there are very few people who are single and who would like to be in relationship, who don't feel a pang or two as a gorgeous bouquet is delivered to a co-worker on Valentine's Day.

My best advice to someone who is 'single but looking' is:

First of all, don't beat yourself up for being alone. Instead, look upon it as an opportunity to get your life as a singleton exactly as you want it to be. In that way you will be much less likely to give it up for the first so-so relationship that comes along.

Secondly, being single does have its advantages as I'm sure you already know:

• You can do what you want to do, when you want to do it, with no one to answer to.
• When you're by yourself, you can be the 'authentic' you - the real you that is often hidden from other people.
• Singledom can also be an incentive to achieve more and your time as a single can be one of the most rewarding, fulfilling times of your life. You can't rely on anyone else - you have to do it for yourself or not at all. If you want something badly enough, you have no choice but to roll up your sleeves and get on with it.
• There can be a tendency to become complacent in a relationship - for example, not go to the gym quite so often and put on a few pounds, however, many singles tend to be 'single and looking' so they keep themselves looking as good as they can, just in case!

And come on girls, let's not forget the other advantages of being single - night-time duvet battles are a thing of the past - you can hog the bed all to yourself. The toilet seat is always in the position you left it. You don't have to clean up anyone else's mess. You can enjoy a blissful night's sleep, undisturbed by someone else's snoring. You have full control of the TV remote. Your time is your own... Need I go on?

If being alone on Valentine's Day itself really bothers you and makes you feel like a failure for not being in a relationship, why not spend the evening with like-minded single friends? Get together in a place where you are unlikely to be confronted by all those couples and have an anti-Valentine's party. Swap all your relationship horror stories and brainstorm every single advantage of being single that you can think of - the sillier the better.

If you really can't face a party to celebrate your single status, make sure you have something to look forward to on the day itself. Cook yourself your favourite meal or run yourself a bath with all the trimmings. Pamper yourself. But try to avoid watching anything on television that's specifically scheduled for Valentine's night, like romantic comedies for example.

Let's face it - Valentine's Day is only one day of the year. And how many of those 'romantic couples' will be history by next February 14th?